Anybody who has anxiety can relate to the dreadful feeling that is a panic attack.  So before you pop a Xanax or run around talking to yourself a la Cate Blanchett in Blue Jasmine, try these few techniques that I’ve learned.


1.) Not Hyperventilating is key.  I can’t stand when people tell me to breathe.  Breathe?!? I AM FUCKING BREATHING OR ID BE DEAD ON THE GROUND BEFORE YOU.  When I say not hyperventilating, I mean retrain the way you breathe.  I learned in yoga that deep breathing is key to reaching your inner peace.  Start by inhaling in through your nose for approximately 5 seconds, Hold for 2 and exhale through your mouth for 7 seconds.  Performing these exercises for roughly 15 minutes can help eliminate physical symptoms of anxiety and slow your heart down.  And for those hypochondriacs not slow the heart down to the point of death.  I know that’s where your mind went.  No you do not see the light and no you are not having a stroke.

2.) Let the intrusive thoughts flow on through like a river.  There isn’t a damn thing you can do to stop them.  But there are things you can do to trick your mind into thinking its okay.  Which leads me to my next point.  If you are the type of person that can move during panic attacks, I highly suggest you grab your headphones drop to the ground and give yourself twenty as if you were being ripped apart by a drill Sargent in the US ARMY.  Jet off running like Forrest Gump.  Anything to get that adrenaline flowing into a positive direction.  IF your like me and can’t fucking move during one until its over then you have no choice but to remain still.  Sit down, close your eyes, grab those headphones and start a breathin’.  I prefer Chopin for these finer moments in life and the picture of me on the Aruban coast.  Let those waves wash on over you.  If you don’t like the ocean because you hate the sand, then fuck you, choose your own little peace of heaven.  WHATEVER WORKS.

3.) Not to sound like your mother but seriously sleeping and eating is KEY.  Sleep deprivation and diet are well known in the medical world to exacerbate anxiety and thus lead your ass down the yellow brick road to a panic attack.  I’ve found even over sleeping can induce anxiety as well.  Try and shoot for 8-9 hours and for those insane humans who can function on 6-7.  Foods that are rich in magnesium, vitamins b1 and b12, and vitamin D are also prime in fighting off anxiety.  So put down the spoon of Nutella and pick up a banana.

4.) Last but not least, stay the hell away from anything with caffeine in it.  Drink water instead.  Or else your gonna end up looking like Eli Manning after he threw 3 interceptions against the Chicago Bears and that look isn’t pleasant to your fellow man.  TRUSSSST ME!



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