Slopestyle Trio try to land Hollywood Ladies via Twitter

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Where do I EVEN begin!? After American slopestyle skiing trio of Joss Christensen, Gus Kenworthy and Nick Goepper swept up the medals in this Olympic event (which has only be done 3 other times in American History), they sought out their celebrity crushes with a little help of NBCs twitter account.  Obviously, nothing became of it (that we know of).  Heres why:

1.)  Emma Watson has a boyfriend (ditch the dude bitch! This guy just won a gold medal and wants you to be his valentine!)

2.) Miley Cyrus couldn’t be reached for a comment, she was reportedly hopped up on molly swinging naked from a wrecking ball.

3.) Taylor Swift was too busy reveling in her newly chopped coif.  Truthfully Taylor if you don’t jump on Nick Goeppers shit, I’ll gladly take your place! *WHATTA DREAMBOAT*.  Actually don’t.  We really don’t need you to suck this kids soul out with your vapid listless eyes and record another studio album.

Nice try boys…..

 

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