Anctipation for new Schoolboy Q Album Reaches New, Hilarious Highs

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Exactly a week before the official release date of TDE’s bucket-hatted YAWKER Schoolboy Q’s highly anticipated sophomore album Oxymoron, anticipation for a leak of the official version to hit the internet is now hitting ridiculous levels (C’MON A$AP ROCKY LEAKED A MONTH EARLY, WE NEED IT RIGHT THIIS SECOND!). First came the stories of unlucky fans downloading copies labeled on various sketchy sites as “Schoolboy Q – Oxymoron” that were in fact something hysterically far from that. Excited fans who thought they had outsmarted the rest of the internet found themselves listening copies of the album consisting of such things as 17 tracks of “Take You There” by Sean Kingston and a full hour of the “Teletubbies” theme song on repeat in addition to viruses that will damage a computer worse than even the seediest of Anime Hentai Porn.

Then today came the news that the New York based Hot 97 Radio Station would be hosting a live stream of the album today at 3 PM with Q himself talking about the tracks to a small live audience of lucky fans. Instead, what jonesing listeners got was an extremely lame interview session with an EXTREMELY stoned, and bucket-hatlesss Q. This is nothing out of the ordinary as anyone who is a fan knows that this dude is rarely sober (he IS rarely, if ever, seen in public without the bucket though, which to me is much more troubling…) In between awkward and forced interview questions and an audience more fit for a Sergio Garcia approach, Hot 97 played EDITED versions of songs that fans have already heard for months (“Collard Greens”, “Man of the Year”, etc.) acting like they were unveiling them to the world (COMING UP NEXT, GOT THAT NEW “RAPPER’S DELIGHT” AND THEN “THE MESSAGE”!). The songs were edited even though during the actual interview itself, Q was dropping f-bombs left and right.

In the end, they only played ONE new song: a low quality, edited track featuring Raekwon which sounds like it could be cool when it’s, y’know, not edited and recorded on something better than a potato (and not leaving avid listeners with auditory blue balls In their ears. Gross). Anyway, this farce of a “live stream” was ultimately more  like a mailman dangling juicy steaks in front of a pack of starving dobermans who reacted the only way you would expect when they didn’t get to sink their teeth in. Call this quick trigger, hyperbolic response if you must BUT IT WAS THE ABSOLUTE WORSE THING SINCE THE  DUNK CONTEST WHICH WAS THE WORST THING SINCE THE HINDENBURG DISASTER.

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