Rick Pitino Hates Social Media, Basement Dwelling Underachievers

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http://espn.go.com/mens-college-basketball/story/_/id/10481852/rick-pitino-louisville-cardinals-sounds-social-media

University of Louisville basketball coach and Lil Lebowski Urban Achiever Rick Pitino (guess you didn’t “CHOOSE” to succeed in Boston, eh Ricky?) had some choice words to say with regards to the topic of social media on today’s broadcast of Mike & Mike on ESPN:

“I think anybody in sports who reads social media is not all there. To me, it’s the great class of underachievers who live on the internet and social media. I think it’s people who waste their time, and underachieve because they’re not paying attention to what they should be.”

That’s right, everyone! We aren’t paying attention to what we SHOULD be paying attention to. We should ALL be out there cheating on our spouses and prematurely ejaculating in public places with psychotic women. We should then be paying them $3,000 to get a abortion because THAT’S WHAT GO GETTERS DO. Maybe Rick’s next book should be titled “15 Seconds For a Lifetime of Shame”!

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Even worse, when the above pictured crazy woman tried to extort him for more (hey, he already ponied up for the abortion), Pitino tried to paint himself as a victim, calling the whole ordeal “pure hell” for his family! PR control must be “Step 4” to overachieving in business and life, because that “pure hell” could have been avoided if he simply failed to try and beat the shot clock (luckily for Rick the NCAA rules give him 11 more valuable seconds) behind the bar at Bennigan’s.

I’m sorry, but whenever some big shot smug prick like Pitino gets on his high horse (and he could literally do just that as he owns a champion horse because HES AN ACHIEVER. GET OUT OF YOUR PARENTS BASEMENT JIMMY AND YOU TOO COULD SOMEDAY HAVE A SEATTLE SLEW TO CALL YOUR OWN!) about anything I’m immediately incensed. And it’s not just because of the aforementioned incident in which he chose to two pump chump with Sybil in a family restaurant, either (In a FAMILY restaurant, Rick. WONT SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!).

It seems that basketball fans outside of Boston forget that this is the same man who stripped the greatest coach and most revered icon in NBA history Red Auerbach as President of Basketball Operations during his disastrous stint in Boston. Pitino came into town with this same swinging dick, too big to fail, “Wolf of Wall St.” attitude and then he fell flat on his face after among other things, drafting Jerome Moiso 11th overall, trading a lottery pick for Chris Herren’s old drinking buddy Vitaly Potopenko, signing Chris Mills to a $20 million dollar extension and giving TRAVIS FREAKING KNIGHT a seven year, $22 million dollar contract. Following these indignities he was rightfully run the fuck out of town. Not because “Larry Bird wasn’t walking through that door” or because “the negativity in this town sucks” but because he took on a new venture that was too big for his britches and he came up woefully short.

Those failures were very public and if the bright lights of the print media and chants heard in the Garden alone caused him to crack so badly, I can only imagine what would have happened had social media been around back then. It’s hard to envision a situation ripe with more schadenfreude for fans of the sport than the massive failings someone who casually pushed a man who was the legendary face of the franchise for half a century (and one of the most classy guys in sports as well) out the door like he was dead weight. The fact of the matter is, as embarrassing as his incident in the restaurant was, there was a time (before social media) when something like that probably WOULD have been kept out of the national news. In fact, he only came clean to his bosses and the authorities after the scandal threatened to go public due to the increasingly irrational actions of the woman Pitino “slept” with. Unfortunately for Rick, in the 24 hour social media cycle and with sites like Deadspin and Barstool Sports becoming daily reading for us unwashed masses of underachievers, the scandal broke and he was forced to go into damage control.

It seems like all of the success he has achieved at Louisville has overshadowed these past embarrassments for many people. But for me, and hopefully for the vast majority of Boston fans, he will forever be known as the man who forced an ignominious end to the legendary career of Red Auerbach and then prematurely blew his wad with a Krazyy Eyed Woman in an uncomfortable public place and tried to pay her to get a secret abortion.

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