The Simpsons have taught us many, many things but these are the top things that I’ve learned…
1.) Old people ARE the grim specter of death
2.) Always, always drink plenty of MALK
3.) Never disband the PTA (too dangerous)
4.) Bread does in fact contain gym mats
5.) AURORA BORREALIS CAN LOCALIZE ENTIRELY WITHIN YOUR KITCHEN!
6.) A dental plan is an absolute must…
7.) Smoking cigarettes is incredibly sexy.
8.) If you’re from upstate New York you refer to hamburgers as “STEAMED HAMS” (unless you’re from Utica)
9.) Colored chalk will lead to independent thought alarms AND WAS FORGED BY LUCIFER HIMSELF!
10.) There’s no such thing as drinking alone, as long as the lord is present!
11.) You always send flowers to someones grave even if they are still alive
12.) Coming down, does in fact render someone speechless
13.) NOTHING gets chocolate out!
14.) People who stay stupid shit should be handed a red ball to bounce immediately
15.) Always vet your valentines, you could inadvertently send the wrong message!
16.) Computers do have the internet now
17.) Operators know the number for 911
18.) if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
19.) Failing English is Unpossible!
20.) Always speak up on the telephone when someones wearing a towel
21.) The doctor was right, picking your nose will lead to nosebleeds.
22.) Smarch has lousy weather
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST…..
23.) Never ever turn your back on your sugar pile! Not even for a second!